What you're about to read is 100 % real. I came across this on my own lap top. However, I did not write it. This is writing from somebodies actual journal. I haven't spell checked it. I left it how it was written. I also spoke with this person before exposing it. Raw writing. I love it. God bless you.
June 18th
Well, its been weeks since i wrote some shit down. my laptop crashed and i was unable to recover all of the data and music that was on it. one of the things lost was the pages of writing that i had. starting from scratch.
12:17 am. thursday night / friday morning. its been about 10 days since i had a cigarette. using the patch and this is my longest run in a while. jacob is sleeping and so are the cats. the house is himid and dark. headphones are blasting to the beat and monstrous harmonies of trivium. if you know me enough or have read my previous journal entries you would know that i've been through a lot the last couple of months. Before halloween 2008, I broke up with my longtime irlfriend jessica. i packed up all my stuff one day and moved out. it happened for various reason but the most influential reason would be to pursue my music career. fast forward 8 months. the band. long term enemy consists of me, matt pitre on guitar, adam jacobson on guitar, jason gray with vocals, andrew hildebrand on drums and our newest member, kevin cheetham on bass. we have a decent rig set up here in the basement. We actually received our first offical complaint the other night. i can say that i'm very surprised it took 8 months. So far we've got about 6 songs in the works, almost done, and vocals are being put together. I am definately looking forward toi getting all these songs wrapped up so we can play some shows. Hopefully before the end of the year if equal effort is given by each member., i am a 23 year old college droput working a "job" and i really have no backup plan besides music. i have no woman by my side. no dog. just a great set of friends and family. this may be why i give it all in my music. i have drive and determination and motivation. maybe one day we can pack arenas and stadiums:0 we have this vision that we can bring a massive amount of energy to a show and give people what they want to see and hear. we would like to give back to tose with open arms and ears. music is a very powerful source of feelings, thoughts and entertainemtn and if we could share that with people of all ages around the world then mission accomplished. we've known each other for years and grew up0 with each other. ive known adam since we were in kindergarten! I think we all bring something unique to the table and we would love to bring whgat we do to the world!
Earlier, I said i left my girlfirend. i did. we went together for 3 and a half years. 2 of the years in which we lived together in our own house. we loved each other. for some reason, she had a problem with me playing music with my buddies, like it took "too much" time. anyways, wehn push comes to shove, i moved out when i found this house. I immediately got possesion within a couple of weeks, actually on Halloween. We tried dating while i lived here and we had some great times but it ended shortly in the new year. we had plans to get married in the future and have a kid. Last year i had her initials tattooed on my chest near my heart. i love her and will always. she saved my life! she came into my life at a crucial time and saved me from burning out. anyways, fast forward ti today. i miss her. i really do. she is definately one of the reasons why i am sitting on the kitchen counter in the dark at 12:46 in the morning writing my life story lol. i want to give in to all my urges. i have an urge to light up a cigarette. there is a half pack of demauriers in the cupboard to the left. i also have an urge to drive by her house and call her. i am trying to be rational and make the smart decision so i just continue to type. yeah, so i was saying. there have been a handful of girls over the course of the last few months, but i dont miss them like J. I almost know for sure that if i go see her or call it wont result in something good. i want to but i know i cant. but i feel like im very close to my breaking point. ive found myself just binging on alcohol and weed till sleep is calm and effortless. well, tonight there is no herb or roaches around. so i write. and play. i have this vision in my head sometimes that we'll meet again one day. she's sent me a couple messages via the internet but i hav't responded. she knows where i live and hasnt shown up to see me since that week after christmas. ive found myself driving past her house countles times in the last week.
i recently went to the library across the street and checked out a couple of books.I have a thesaurus and randy bachman's autobiography. recent;ly, brucie dropped off a book for me. i started reading it the other day. its called heavier than heaven. its a biography on curt cobain. i ahve always loved reading, even as a kid, and i find it helps me get my mind off things. And learn. Great learning tool! over the last couple of months i read Slash's autobiography. What a great read! Slash is definately an example of anybody with a dream trying to achieve it! I also finished reading Head's biography, Save Me From Myself. Props to him! As you can see i like reading autobiographies. A couple of years ago, Jess borrowed me her copy of Anthony Kiedis's auto, Scar Tissue. She eventually bought me a copy and signed it. Ever since she borrowed that first copy we kinda started hitting it off. Anyways, I was thiunking of tapping into that book for the third time.
1:22 Scraped the bong. Weed resin. Ripped. Guitar Time. Goodnight.
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